Why toddlers experience the "mine" phase

Once, when my daughter was about a year old, I had volunteered to babysit three other toddlers in one day. The kids, who ranged in age from 1 to 3, didn't get along half as well as I had hoped. Within minutes of entering my house, the herd of tots started splitting into endless, plaintive repetitions of one word. "Mine?" By the end of the day, I thought I would lose my mind if I heard the word one more time.

I thank my stars that my daughter never went through the "mine" phase, since it's something that most toddlers do at some point. Toddlers often go through several months, or even years, of using the word "mine" very frequently. Although not universal, the "mine" phase is exceptionally common. Here are some points to consider about this phase in your toddler's development.

1. It is a normal developmental stage.

The "mine" phase is a culmination of several normal toddler behaviors. Beginning at around the time your child starts walking, she starts to develop conflicting and stressful ideas about concepts such as selfhood, ownership, sharing, affection, and object permanence. When these feelings combine in ways that are confusing or upsetting to your child, she'll seek refuge in one seemingly omnipotent word: "mine!"

2. 'Mine' relates to your child's emerging sense of self. Young babies have no concept whatsoever of "mine," because they have no concept whatsoever of "me." A 5-month-old views herself as an extension of her parents, not as an independent person with her own body. As toddlerhood approaches, your child has the startling realization that she is an independent being -- and exerts her newfound understanding by declaring everything hers.

3. Toddlers usually don't share easily. It is a very rare toddler who can grasp the concept of "ours" or "let's share." Toddlers exist in a world in which their needs and wants are of utmost importance, so it's not surprising, or even remotely unusual, for toddlers to enter a "mine" stage. Toddlers are essentially tiny, tyrant sociopaths with chubby cheeks and angel-eyes. It's unreasonable to expect them to consider "ours" instead of "mine," because it simply isn't in their nature to care about the needs of others.

4. The 'mine' phase reflects a toddler's naturally limited vocabulary.

. Often, toddlers become obsessed with the word "mine" because they lack the vocabulary necessary to explain thoughts, feelings, or concepts with more complexity. To a toddler, "mine" seems like an all-purpose word to express want, need, and insistence. As your toddler grows, he'll be able to articulate his feelings more accurately, without repetitions of the same word.

5. Most children outgrow the 'mine' stage by age 3. This phase in a child's development is characteristic of toddlerhood, and it tends to vanish as your child approaches the preschool years. "Mine" usually begins to dissipate around a baby's second birthday, disappearing entirely by the time he turns 3. As much as this phase may seem to last forever, it will eventually be gone.