Potty-Training the Gifted Toddler

"I don't want to use that potty. I would prefer a diaper," my toddler articulated carefully.

At 27 months old, my toddler could speak in clear, coherent sentences. She could recite the preamble to the constitution, name the planets in order, explain the life cycle of a frog, and speak correctly about the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. But could she use the potty? Not a chance.

I began trying to potty-train my daughter at 18 months-- gradually introducing the potty, reading plenty of potty-related books, offering big-girl panties, and so on. But, no matter how much encouragement I offered, my gifted toddler was absolutely resistant to the idea of potty-training. The offer of, "Do you want to use the potty?" would be met with a full-fledged tantrum. When we had made no progress after nearly a year of effort, I consulted her pediatrician thinking that I must be doing it wrong.

According to my daughter's doctor, many gifted toddlers are extremely resistant to potty-training. While toddlers who are not gifted are generally open to suggestions from adults, gifted toddlers tend to be very possessive of their time and space. More than average, gifted children tend to dictate what they want to wear, what they want to eat and where they want to poop. For this reason, a gifted toddler may be as much as two years behind his peers on reaching the potty-learning milestone.

In addition to the behavioral considerations associated with bright children, it is important to note that many of them are not as physically dextrous as their peers. My daughter was late on most of her physical milestones-- not crawling until ten months or walking until sixteen months. Potty-training is a physical milestone as well as an intellectual achievement, so it is important to remember that the late walker may also be a late potty-user.

If your gifted toddler is resistant to using the potty, bear in mind that you will get nowhere by trying to force it on him. Spanking, yelling or forcing him to sit on the chair for hours will do nothing but traumatize and anger him, and he'll probably retaliate by becoming even more insistant about using diapers only. My pediatrician's best advice is the same that she gives to the parents of non-gifted children-- "Wait until she's ready. She will use the potty before she goes to college."

My gifted toddler's doctor says that potty-training can take place any time before age four and still be within an acceptable normal range, but she urged me to continue reading books, offering panties and discussing the potty with my toddler. In the mean time, I'll be happy to be the parent of an eccentric child who learns to read before learning to use the toilet.