When Will My Child Know His Gender?

Kids vary tremendously in when, how, and if they learn about their genders and conform to gender-based social norms. However, a child's understanding of his gender usually follows a standard pattern of development. Here is when you can expect your child to begin identifying and understanding gender differences.

1. Babies notice their genitals at 8-10 months. Some time before a baby's first birthday, he's likely to notice his genitals. Of course, a baby does not understand the significance behind these differences -- only the vague realization that there is something down there. This early discovery is the first step toward an awareness of biological differences between sexes.

2. Toddlers understand sex differences in the second year. Between 1 and 2 years of age, most toddlers begin to understand that there are biological differences between men and women. While they may not recognize differences in genitalia, toddlers do tend to associate feminine features like breasts and long hair with "she," and masculine features like facial hair and deep voices with "he."

3. Most children know their own sex before age 3.

By 2 1/2 to 3 years of age, most children can confidently identify themselves as boys or girls. By the preschool stage, the majority of kids can view themselves as future men or women. Of course, there will be some deviation for this milestone -- with a few children never developing a gender identity that matches their biological sex.

4. Kids generally conform to gender stereotypes by kindergarten age. By the time a child reaches 5 or 6 years of age, she generally conforms to behavioral stereotypes associated with her sex. Girls will tend to role-play mothers, princesses or female movie characters, and boys will fantasize themselves as fathers, knights and male film-heroes. Kids in this age group usually know the difference between "girl" toys and "boy" toys.

5. All children are different. The discovery and expression of gender identity isn't a true developmental milestone. Unlike walking and talking, the development of gender identity can happen on any time table without signifying a disease or medical condition. Although most kids will follow a standard pattern of gender expression, there is nothing wrong with a child who is gender-deviant or who doesn't conform to stereotypes.