When I was 4 years old, I was following my mother through a crowded shopping mall -- when I suddenly realized that the woman in front of me was not my mother. My mother and I were both in tears when an elderly lady, out shopping with her grandchildren, helped to reunite us. Occurrences like this happen at least once in almost every person's childhood -- and, fortunately, they usually resolve without catastrophe.
Still, much to my own distress, my 3-year-old daughter has inherited my tendency to wander and to become distracted in public. I know that it's not entirely out of the question that she'll get separated from me at some point in public. For this reason, I think it's critical to educate my daughter about what to do if she gets lost.
I don't have all the answers for every family, but here are a few tips I've taught my own preschooler about getting lost.
1. Teach them about police officers. People in uniform often look scary to preschoolers, and the policeman-is-your-enemy mentality might have been unintentionally reinforced if your preschooler ever saw you receive a speeding ticket. It's important to make sure that your child knows to approach a police officer -- not to hide from one -- if she gets lost in a public place. Show your child pictures of police officers and security guards so that she understands how to recognize their uniforms.
2. Talk about other "safe" people. If there are no police officers nearby, my preschooler knows to find someone who "looks like a grandma," and she knows to look for people wearing any kind of uniform. While it isn't fair to stereotype -- and while I wish that it wasn't the case -- I would prefer that my daughter approach an old lady than a young man if she gets lost. In general, elderly women with children in tow are likely to be able to soothe a frightened child and to get quick help from authorities.The alternative -- to wait around with no adult help at all -- seems far worse.
3. Explain not to get into a car. Young or old, male or female, kids or no kids -- no stranger should bring your child into his car without express permission from you. Let your preschooler know that, while an adult might help them to find you, no stranger has any reason to let your child into his car. Explain that, if a grown-up tries to force your preschooler into a car, your child should loudly yell, "I don't know this person! Call the police!"
4. Teach your child your contact information. As soon as your child is able to cognitively grasp such concepts, teach him your full name and phone number. Your preschooler should be able to recite your entire phone number, including the area code, on command. This way, he will be able to provide your information to a grown-up if he gets separated from you. As soon as possible, you might also consider teaching other emergency contact numbers, such as grandparents', godparents', and aunts' numbers.
5. Give guidelines about getting lost. You can teach this by playing a simple role-playing game -- possibly with your child's toys. I played a game with my daughter's farm animals in which her toy piglet couldn't find his mother. I explained things like, "He's lost outside. Should he go to the road? Noooo, he should stay where he is until he sees a grown-up," and "He's lost in a store. Should he go outside? Noooo, he should look for a police officer or a grandma."
6. Keep fears in perspective. Your child's safety is of great importance, but it's important to keep your fears within a reasonable perspective. As I noted in this article, kidnapping by strangers is extremely rare. More children are killed by wasp stings each year than are abducted by strangers. Even if your child doesn't know the rules of safety, odds are good that your child will be found safe if she does get lost or briefly separated from you. As a parent, you can maximize her safety by giving her solid guidelines if and when a separation occurs.
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