Before I had a child, I thought that I knew everything about parenting. I had read dozens of books, blogs and magazines about how to raise a happy, healthy child-- and I knew that I could do it. I had it all figured out, from effective discipline to healthy snacks and positive bedtime rituals.
It wasn't until my daughter reached her toddler days that I had an epiphany-- it's not how you parent that matters. It doesn't matter if you rock your child to sleep or don't. It doesn't matter if you breastfeed until three weeks, three months, or three years. It doesn't matter if you can afford a fancy crib or designer baby-shoes. The only thing that really matters in parenting is that your child knows he is loved.
Here are a few ways to let your kids know you care.
1. Talk about her-- in a good way. Think about the last time you were on the phone with a friend and your children were in the room. Did you say that your two-year-old had colored on the walls? Reveal that your five-year-old still wets the bed? Gripe about your preteen's refusal to do his homework? Although you're entitled to an occasional mommy-rant, this isn't the best way to let your kids know you love them. Try saying something positive, even if you have to struggle to find it. Tell your friend about the beautiful picture that your three-year-old drew for you, or the winning score that your eight-year-old made at her soccer game. Your child will know you love her if she hears you discussing her positively to other people.
2. Cuddle. Your six-year-old has a bad dream and decides to climb in between you and your partner. Do you kick him to his own bed or allow him to stay? Although it's reasonable to break an older child of an excessive co-sleeping habit, there's no harm letting your child snuggle with you during moments of insecurity. Your reassuring presence will remind him that you care about him and enjoy being near him. And you can bet that your child won't want to hug, kiss or cuddle with you ten years from now. Enjoy the snuggles while they're still available.
3. Give thanks for little things. One day, my two-year-old dropped her stuffed rabbit into a foot-deep outdoor stream-- in the middle of winter. Dutifully, I waded into the frigid waters and rescued the bunny. My toddler hugged me and enthusiastically said, "Mama, thank you sooooo much for getting my bunny back. Your poor little mama-feet must have gotten so cold!" This degree of gratitude and empathy is rare in toddlers, but I believe she demonstrated it because I model the same behavior when she does something compassionate. If your child does something kind for you or somebody else, give thanks. Tell her you're proud. She'll return the favor and she'll feel a stronger bond with you.
4. Give surprise gifts. Try giving your child gifts when he least expects it. It doesn't have to be because it's a holiday or a birthday, or even because he asked for it. Instead, purchase his favorite candybar on your way home from work. Get a fresh pack of crayons and a new coloring book "just because." If you see him quietly admiring something in the store, consider getting it the next time you see it. Surprise gifts don't "spoil" children in the same way that giving into a tantrum might spoil them. They act as a simple but meaningful reminder of your love without indulging the idea that your child is entitled to everything he requests.
5. Say it. In an ideal world, it wouldn't even be necessary to tell your children that you love them. It would be so obvious that "I love you" would be as unnecessary of an observation as, "You have brown hair." Still, I make a point of telling my daughter that I love her every single day-- and, over one thousand days into my journey as a mother, I haven't missed a beat. Don't just say it when your child does something "good." Say it when you're sad, when you're stressed, when you're angry, and even when you don't think you can handle your child for a minute longer. Your unconditional expression of love may be the most valuable constant that he experiences in his early life.
No comments:
Post a Comment