Your Toddler Flaps His Arms: Should You Worry?

My daughter has always had a tendency toward "stimming" behaviors. When she was as young as eight months old, she began clapping and waving her hands whenever she got frustrated. This behavior never alarmed me, but I did bring it up with her pediatrician when it persisted into her toddler years. Now, at age three, she still occasionally flaps her arms when she's upset-- but, fortunately, this form of stimming is beginning to subside.

If your toddler frequently flaps his arms when he's upset, you may or may not have a reason to be concerned. Arm-flapping in toddlers can sometimes be symptomatic of a condition such as autism or Tourette's. But when should you worry? And should you try to change the behavior?

Here are a few facts to consider.

1. Arm-flapping can be comforting. For toddlers of all ages and levels of neurological development, arm-flapping can be a comforting way to handle strong emotions. Think back to a time when you have been extremely upset. It's likely that you fidgeted, flung your arms, or wrung your hands. These behaviors provide release from powerful emotions that we can't quite articulate. To a toddler, who hasn't yet mastered the ability to express thoughts with words, arm-flapping can be a normal way to cope with every-day stresses.

2. It isn't directly harmful. Unless your child's arm-flapping turns into mindless hitting-- either directed toward himself or toward someone else-- there's no specific reason to stop the behavior. Of course, it isn't considered socially acceptable for older children. But, at this point in your toddler's development, it probably isn't necessary to nip the behavior. If your toddler isn't hurting anyone, let it be.

3. It's ultimately normal. My daughter's pediatrician informed me that some degree of arm-flapping is normal until around age three. If your toddler waves or flaps her hands occasionally until this point, she is probably developing tantrum-coping mechanisms on the typical time-frame. Even if it takes her a bit longer than normal to outgrow the behavior, it isn't necessarily unusual unless it is excessive or accompanied by other related problems.

4. There are ways to redirect the behavior. If your toddler's hand-flapping is disruptive or excessive, there are ways to redirect that energy. This is especially important if your toddler tends to hit people when he flails his arms during a tantrum. I found that turning my daughter's stimming behavior into a dance can both lighten the mood and draw her attention the involuntary behavior. Try bursting into song-and-dance the next time you see your toddler flapping his arms. You may be surprised by how quickly he breaks into laughter.

5. Keep an eye out for other symptoms. For a few toddlers, arm-flapping can be symptomatic of an underlying abnormality. Arm-flapping alone is never the sole symptom of a serious problem, but you may want to talk to a pediatrician if you notice other signs of a developmental abnormality. Toddlers who have speech delays or cognitive delays along with stimming behavior may have autism-spectrum disorders. Arm-flapping can also be a symptom of Tourette's syndrome or mental retardation-- again, only when accompanied by other symptoms.

As always, talk to your toddler's pediatrician if you are concerned about his development or behavior.