Tackling Your Preschooler's Fear of the Dark

I am in my mid-twenties and still get the heebie-jeebies if I have to walk down a dark hallway at night. Fear of the dark is one of the most universal of human fears, so I shouldn't be at all surprised that my daughter, who is almost three years old, is afraid of sleeping alone in a dark room.

I don't have all the answers when it comes to taming a preschooler's fear of the dark, but I do know what makes sense for my own little family. Here are a few mom-to-mom guidelines on tackling a preschooler's fear of the dark.

1. Wait until the time is right. My toddler's fear of the darkness started very suddenly. When she was two and a half months old, her father and I separated. A week later, she self-weaned from breastfeeding. A week after that, her beloved pet cat disappeared. A week after that, I made the decision to help her begin sleeping in her own bed (we had co-slept until that point). Understandably, the combination of rapid changes translated to a fear of the dark. Would I insist on turning off the light, after all those changes? Of course not. I had to wait until she was in a better place emotionally to begin tackling her fear of the dark.

2. Provide your presence. If your preschooler is absolutely terrified of the darkness, don't worsen this by adding separation anxiety to the mixture. Stay close-by and offer reassurance if she has a middle-of-the-night panic. If you need to, lie down next to her until she drifts to sleep, then turn off the light on your way out. As an attachment parenting mom, I don't believe that this re-inforces a fear of the dark. In my own experience, physical and emotional contact in the early years can build more confidence down the road.

3. Talk about it. Ask your preschooler why she is afraid of the dark. She probably can't explain this all-too-common fear, but an open conversation might help to reveal just how silly it really is. My own daughter says she's afraid of jack-o-lanterns under the bed and crocodiles inside her fish tank. The best way to defeat this? Demonstrate that there's no crocodile under the fish tank. Reveal that nothing lives under the bed, or in the closet, or behind the door. Explain that you used to be afraid of the dark when you were little, but that you never in your life saw a real monster. By discussing and validating your preschooler's fears, you can help to set them aside.

4. Minimize media influences. Even movies made for children have a few scary scenes. When I was a kid, Scar from the Lion King gave me horrible nightmares. So did Maleficent from Snow White. Your child doesn't have to watch the Ring to get a few ideas that will make her afraid of the dark. Remember that, at this age, a child has no concept of fantasy versus reality. If she sees a scary scene on TV, she will believe that it is real, regardless of your reassurance. For this reason, it's critical to monitor your preschooler's exposure to anything nightmare-inducing on TV or in movies.