Raising an Eccentric Child

When my daughter was a year old, she claimed a bottle of organic diaper ointment-- not a doll or a stuffed animal-- as her most treasured lovey. At 15 months, she used and understood the word "manatee," but hadn't yet uttered "bye-bye." When she was two, she could clearly and willingly recite the preamble, but acted angry and confused when asked to count to ten.

Today, at three, she remains as eccentric as ever. When given a preschool brain teaser, showing a giraffe sans spots, my daughter quickly and correctly observes that it's missing "those two little knobby horns"-- only noticing the lack of spots after several minutes of observation. I believe that I have one of the world's quirkiest children-- and I love her like crazy.

If you're the mom of a child who marches to a different drummer, you're in a situation that is both wonderful and-- at times-- challenging. Here are some things you can do to enable your eccentric child's success.

1. Remember that it's a blessing. We live in a culture that values conformity, so we're often told that there is something fundamentally "wrong" with our odd kids. Although my eccentric toddler poses several unique challenges to me, I don't view her oddity as a curse. Instead, I'm proud to say that she stands out from the herd. Let your child know that you value her eccentricities, and that you don't want her to always be like everyone else. Your unconditional love is key in enabling her sense of self-esteem.

2. Nurture your child's interests. Suppose your five-year-old decides that she wants to learn everything there is to know about tarot, cameras, or lobsters, let her go for it. There's nothing wrong with a child who has unusual interests for her age-- in fact, it's extremely common for very bright children to develop odd or obscure fascinations. You can't change the fact that your child is unique (and why would you want to?) but you can help her to make the most of her own gifted interests.

3. Don't just talk-- listen. Open your ears and hear your child's ideas. Oddball kids benefit from an audience. Your child's unique viewpoints and opinions aren't just "cute" or quaint; they're part of her own splendidly original mind. Listen to your child while she works out her beliefs, opinions and interests. Guide her in the right directions if she is confused about something. If and when she is bullied by her peers, make sure she knows she can come to you for support.

4. Accept that your kid may be different from you. When I was pregnant with my daughter, I was convinced that she would be a carbon-copy of me-- eccentric, but only in the ways that I was eccentric. Instead, she developed many interests that I didn't have at her age. She's crazy about cars and trains. She likes to wear boys' clothes. She wants to grow up to be "a mechanic... or maybe, just maybe, a freelance writer." I've realized that part of maturing as a parent means accepting that my daughter is different than me. As she grows, she's likely to have political, philosophical and religious beliefs that differ from mine-- and I'll love her for it.

5. Advocate for your child. Eccentric children face many extra challenges compared to their blander peers. Many are exceptionally gifted in some areas but delayed in others-- an issue known clinically as "asynchronous development." They may struggle with attention problems, social disturbances or emotional challenges. Many eccentric children have underlying conditions such as Asperger's syndrome or ADHD, and require specialized education. As parents, it's our jobs to advocate for the most effective, least stressful education options for our children. Stay actively involved in your child's life and education, and you'll maximize his odds of success.