How to Talk to a Preschooler

I engage in conversation with my three-year-old daughter regularly, but I've noticed that many adults feel awkward or uncomfortable when initiating conversation when a young child. During the preschool years, a child needs for adults to speak to her directly. Real human conversation is essential for building language skills, social skills, empathy and interests.

Talking to a preschooler isn't as hard as it may seem. Even if you don't have any children of your own, you'll quickly find that it becomes second nature to talk to a preschooler in a genuine tone. Whether you are a nanny, babysitter, parent, teacher, aunt, uncle or friend-of-the-family, these guidelines can help you communicate effectively and meaningfully with the preschooler in your life.

1. Don't baby-talk (too much). Most preschoolers are way past the stage at which adults regularly baby-talk them. A preschooler isn't going to respond to you more readily if you ooh and aah and goo-goo at her; it's likely to make her feel confused and uncomfortable. But that doesn't mean you have to forgo calling her a "cutie-patootie" or offering a glass of "moo-milk." She's likely to find these things amusing, but moderation is key so that you don't unintentionally insult or confuse the child.

2. Talk to her like a human being. Remember that you're speaking to a person, not an animal or an inanimate object. This should go without saying, but many adults do unintentionally talk to preschoolers as if they can't hear or understand what's going on around them. Recognize that the child is an individual and that she is affected by your words and gestures.

3. Meet eye-to-eye. Squat next to a preschooler while you initiate conversation. This not only makes you less intimidating-- it also gives her the signal that she has your undivided attention. Get and maintain her eye contact as you explain something to her or ask her a question. Preschoolers have an unspoken understanding that a standing adult is an authority figure, and that a squatting adult is a friend.

4. Let her finish her statement. Many preschoolers stutter and stammer when trying to speak. If the preschooler in your care starts a sentence over and over again with, "Hey, I, um, I, um, I want, um, I want, um, I want to, um, um, um, I want to um--" simply give her your attention and nod patiently while she gets her thought out. You should genuinely listen. Resist the urge to finish her sentence or tune her out.

5. Don't laugh at her. If your preschooler tells you something that's important to her, don't laugh. Save your laughter for her jokes and sarcasm, not for things that she's telling you that are serious. For example, it may be "cute" and whimsical for a 3-year-old to explain the dangers of cigarettes, but it gives her the wrong signal if you burst into laughter at her explanation of them.

6. Use the same words you would use with an adult. I talk to my three-year-old in the same vocabulary that I use when talking to an adult. For this reason, she uses words like "obviously," "negotiable," and "frustrated" on a regular basis. A free flow of new words and ideas will keep a preschooler's mind sharp. It will also communicate your message more effectively than a dumbed-down version. Just be prepared for an adventure when a toddler asks you to define "paradox."