Until my daughter was nearing her third birthday, independent play was completely alien to her. Every minute of every day, I struggled to maintain constant interaction so that she could learn, bond, and stay occupied. Unfortunately, this took a major toll on my career and my emotional stability. As a single mom who works from home, I needed to find some other solution. I couldn't keep being a one-on-one mommy 12 hours per day, working meticulously after her bedtime, and then sleeping just a few hours per night. I needed a more viable solution.
Thankfully, I managed to get my preschooler involved in independent play. Now, I can easily take her to a playground or museum and turn her loose while I work or socialize with a friend. At home, she'll gladly play with her toys for several hours while I get other things done. Several basic tips helped me to teach my child independent play. Here are a few that worked well for me.
Turn off the television. The occasional use of TV isn't bad for kids, but we can all agree that television is a failure as an automatic babysitter. Try to resist the urge to let your kids watch TV all day. This actually displaces independent play, hindering their ability to learn and imagine. A two-hour-per-day television limit is perfectly reasonable and beneficial to your child. Keep your child healthy, active and occupied by using other entertainment methods in lieu of television.
Lock your kids out of the house. When I was a child, my mother used to periodically announce, "Everybody out!" At that point, my sisters and I would make a speedy exit to our backyard. At first, we would be bored and resentful of being forced to play outside. But, within a few minutes, the willow tree would become a castle, the flowers would fill with fairies, and my sister would morph into the velociraptors from "Jurassic Park." Looking back, I realize that the "everybody out!" orders were among the best things my mother ever did for us. Outdoor play encourages creativity, fitness and independence. If your kids are old enough to play outside unsupervised, the advantages are even better for you.
Rotate your kids' toys. When your kids are playing alone indoors, rotate their toys periodically to keep things interesting. If your child's train set has been sitting on the playroom table for two months, switch it out with his toy barn. It's easy for kids to forget how many toys they have, and how much fun each one is, when the not-in-use toys are out of sight and out of mind. Pull out all of those unused toys and let your child enjoy them as a novelty again. Your child will have more fun and will play independently for longer.
Give ideas.
Encourage your child's independent play by giving her starting points for her imagination. If she's handling a "zoo" of plastic animals, give her a scenario to deal with, like, "What if all the monkeys broke out of their cage and tried to steal the bananas from the other animals? How do you think the gorilla and the elephant would react?" By kick-starting her imagination, you'll buy yourself at least an hour or two of you-time while your kiddo is involved in independent play.
Don't ignore your kids' needs.
Think back to when you were a kid. When you're very young and new to the world, there are few emotions more painful than boredom. Persistently bored kids are extremely unhappy. They're prone to misbehavior, tantrums, and even depression-like spells. Your child needs for you to help her find entertainment, just as she needs for you to feed her and facilitate her education. Although it's important to encourage independent play, there is no substitute for real human interaction. Playing with your child shouldn't be an inconvenience; it should be a joy.
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