5 Ways Mom Can Handle Anger

Nonviolent parenting is a challenge for all moms, but it can be particularly difficult for moms like me. I believe in nonviolent conflict resolution and open parent-child communication. As a general rule, I don't believe that yelling or spanking are good ways to solve behavioral problems. But my own core personality doesn't always agree. I am, by nature, high-strung, irritable, and short-fused.

So how does an under-rested, over-caffeinated, overworked, anger-prone mom control anger? I don't have the answers for every mother in the world, but here are a few tips that have worked for me.

1. Tickle.

This may sound like an odd way to control mommy-rage, but it has never failed me. When that crazy temptation hits to me yell at my daughter, I bite my tongue and transform into Tickle Monster. Within minutes, my daughter and I are both laughing, and the anger has evaporated. It's almost impossible to feel angry at the sight of a giggling three-year-old.

2. Dance.

One day, when I was in the midst of a divorce and on the verge of losing my mind, I had honestly started to think that I couldn't tolerate one more moment of motherhood. Everything my daughter did infuriated me. Then I was struck with a sudden and inexplicable urge to tune into YouTube. I looked up "Macarena" from the mid-90s and insisted that my daughter dance with me. I showed her how to do the cheesy dance. After 10 dances, I was too worn out to be angry, and we were both enjoying ourselves. Now, mother-daughter dance parties in the hallway are still my number-one way to handle stress and anger.

3. Take a time-out.

Time-outs aren't just for discipline. When I'm having a bad day and feeling a lot of anger or resentment toward my daughter, the best thing I can do is to separate myself from her and to take a moment to chill. During these times, I try to make it clear that the time-out isn't for punishment, but for peace. I'll sometimes say, "I'm going to have a cup of tea on the porch. Please play in your room for a few minutes." The mommy time-outs are especially critical when my daughter is being particularly difficult.

4. Forgive yourself.

You burst into tears, screamed at your child-- maybe even spanked. You might feel like sending yourself to mommy-jail, but it is critical to understand that your mistakes (and mine) are simply human. Your life as a mother would not be complete without these imperfect moments and challenges. Accept that you make mistakes. Accept that you sometimes lose your temper. With this perspective in mind, you can begin overcoming the emotional struggles you face in motherhood.

5. Get professional help.

If you're constantly on the edge of screaming at the top of your lungs-- or if your mommy-rage keeps you from effectively parenting your kids-- you need professional help. In many areas, Child Protective Services offer free, balanced, non-condescending parenting classes to moms who are struggling to care for their kids. You may also benefit from counseling, therapy, or (possibly) medication so that you can overcome any underlying psychological issues that are contributing to your anger.