All children are special and all children have gifts, but not every child is "gifted." The diagnosis of intellectual giftedness is a specific kind of special need (actually classified by school systems as a disability). It's not a way of saying that a kid is bright or has a certain talent; it's a neurological condition.
"Gifted" is an unfortunate term and should be replaced with something else, because it carries a number of problematic implications, not limited to the implication that intelligence is a "gift" and can or should be used as a measure of someone's worth or total ability. But, problematic or not, it's the word we have and the one we have to use.
"Giftedness" is defined as having an IQ above 118 (95th percentile) or 130 (98th percentile), depending on the standards of the institution. By definition, it is not possible for every child to be gifted. Saying that is like saying that every child has a height in the 95th percentile. It's a nonsensical statement.
One of the problems with the use of the term "gifted" for these children is that IQ is not a reflection of a person's total functioning level. As many as 10% of "gifted" people also have learning disabilities-- my spouse, daughter, and I all fall into this category. A person can be gifted but completely unable to focus on schoolwork, tie his own shoes, or maintain the emotional stability necessary to work full-time. A person can also be gifted but make incredibly poor decisions, or simply be lazy and unmotivated. Gifted people are of no greater value to their loved ones, or to society at large, than people who are not gifted.
When parents of gifted children talk about their experiences or what their kids are going through, sometimes it *is* bragging. Just as I'm proud of my son for holding his head up early-- I have no clue if he's "gifted" yet and honestly don't have a preference for whether I want him to be or not-- I'm proud of my daughter for reading and writing early. Wherever our kids' gifts are, it's in the nature of a parent to feel proud of them. But that doesn't mean that, when a parent identifies her child as "gifted" (assuming that the diagnosis has been made by a professional), she's indicating that she believes her child is better than his peers or that her child is simply bright. She's saying that her child is on an extreme end of a bell-curve, which-- just like the other end of the bell curve-- is a condition that requires special attention in school and at home.
The reason that it's so important to correctly identify what "gifted" means and which children are (and aren't) gifted is because giftedness creates a serious challenge for parents and teachers, just as with any other form of extreme neurological divergence. Children who are gifted, by definition, can not have their needs met by a mainstream academic curriculum. Without special attention in school, they, just like children with other special-needs conditions, usually develop significant behavioral problems and emotional disturbances. My own daughter had severe challenges with trichotillomania (compulsively pulling out her own hair, often by the handful) until she started getting appropriate interventions in school. When parents express concerns about their kids being underchallenged or needing special services, we're not saying that our kids are special snowflakes who are too smart for normal school. We're saying that our kids are struggling because their needs aren't being adequately met.
It's a huge problem that we live in a society that often defines a person's worth by their intelligence. That attitude leads to systematic discrimination of people with below-average IQs, and that's unacceptable. But the answer to that problem isn't to say "Every child is gifted," or, "All kids are gifted but they open their packages at different times." Statements like that only reinforce the notion that intelligence is a measurement of a person's value. The fact is is that human beings are wonderfully and beautifully diverse. We are all born with different neurological wiring and different levels of ability, *and that's okay*. To claim that all children are gifted is to deny human diversity while also depriving special-needs children-- yes, giftedness is a special need-- of the help and services they need to thrive.
I appreciate this post, but I think it's inappropriate to call giftedness a disability. It's true that IQ above 130 comes with unique challenges, and can coincide with ASD or learning disabilities, but that's not always the case. That said, I agree it's very important to provide gifted education. I was labeled as lazy, a daydreamer, and even below average IQ in elementary and middle school by teachers not qualified to work with gifted children. My one hour a day in a gifted program was helpful, but insufficient.
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