Why Does My 3-Year-Old Still Have Tantrums?

We all know about the terrible twos-- the time period in which volatile behavior, including tantrums, are the norm. Tantrums in toddlers tend to peak around twenty-four months of age and gradually wane until around a child's second birthday. But, for a few toddlers-- like my own daughter-- they persist well past the terrible twos and occur even in three-year-olds. Although frustrating, tantrums in three-year-olds are still quite normal and understandable, given a typical child's social, emotional, and language development at this stage. Here are some of the reasons that your toddler may still be having tantrums at three years.

1. Communication is still hard for three-year-olds. My daughter is exceptionally verbal, but even she still struggled with communication at age three. Many three-year-olds still have significant trouble telling adults what they need, want, and feel, and this can lead to episodes of rage caused by this frustration. Until your child can fully express herself using spoken language, tantrums are likely to stick around.

2. Many three-year-olds have learned that tantrums work. Parents who "give in" to tantrums teach their toddlers that tantrums are an effective way to get what you want. When a two-year-old learns that he can have candy or a new toy if he simply screams loud enough, he will carry the habit well into age three. The best way to address this acquired habit is to stop giving into tantrums-- period.

3. Some children might see the behavior modeled by parents, siblings, or television. I have an anxiety disorder and I'm prone to my own "tantrums" in the form of panic attacks, and I wouldn't be surprised if this, to a degree, influenced my daughter's relatively prolonged tantrum-phase. Kids who see violence on TV, arguments between parents, or an infant sibling's constant crying may also be more likely to have tantrums at age three.

4. A three-year-old's emotions are naturally shakey and immature. It's important to recognize that three-year-olds are still toddlers, and that their emotions are still very unstable compared to older kids and adults. A three-year-old can't be reasonably expected to keep solid control over his emotions at all times, especially during times of stress, hunger, or sleep deprivation. Tantrums in three-year-olds are still developmentally normal and understandable.

5. Some children have underlying problems. Extreme, prolonged tantrums in three-year-olds can be a sign of a more serious underlying disturbance. Children with autism-spectrum disorders, anxiety disorders, emotional trauma, or chronic pain can be exceptionally prone to these emotional and behavioral outbursts. If your child continues to have tantrums frequently, and for long periods of time, at age three, it's a good idea to check with his pediatrician for signs of underlying problems-- and for advice on how to handle the behavior effectively.