I am a single mom to one daughter, so I've always had the luxury of being able to take my 3-year-old with me to the restroom without any fears for her safety or for other people's comfort. Recently, my friends and I began discussing one of the unspoken challenges of parenthood. My single-dad-to-a-daughter friend has had to struggle with the embarrassment of bringing a 5-year-old girl into the men's restroom. My mom-to-boys friend has had to worry about her 4-year-old son's safety when he braves the urinals alone.
Finding the right bathroom for your kids isn't an easy task when you're the opposite sex of your children. If you're trying to figure out how and where to take your kids to the potty, here are some points to consider.
Look for family restrooms. "Family" bathrooms, made to accommodate parents and children of all sexes, are ideal. Seek them out when you're in a public place, instead of defaulting to a gender-segregated bathroom. Let owners of local businesses know that you appreciate their efforts to keep restrooms family-friendly.
Put your child's safety-- not other adults' comfort-- first. Your child's safety is far more important than the judgments of adults. If you don't feel that your son is safe going to the men's restroom, and there are no trusted male family members to take him, there's nothing wrong with bringing him to the ladies' room. Most of us outgrow "boy in the girls' bathroom" hysteria in middle school. If a grown woman feels freaked out by the sight of a 4-year-old boy in the women's restroom, the problem is hers -- not yours.
Provide potty-time help for toddlers and preschoolers. For the youngest kids, safety isn't the only concern. Most very young children still need a little help with wiping, flushing, handwashing and managing clothes. For this reason, children under the age of 3 to 4 simply can't go to the restroom alone. Until your children are old enough to use the potty correctly, without help, supervise them in the restroom.
Take your kids to the correct restroom for your sex, not theirs.
. If you're a dad who needs to pick a bathroom for your preschool-age daughter, go to the men's room. If you're a mom who needs to find a restroom for your son, take him to the ladies' room. Gender-segregated bathrooms are more designed to keep out opposite-sex adults than opposite-sex children. Your child's need to go pee-pee is less likely to be embarrassing or disruptive if it's the kids, not the adult, going to the "wrong" room.
Make it quick.
If you have to take your child to the opposite-sex bathroom, head straight for the stall. My single-dad friend said he would always cover his daughter's eyes and carry her directly to the handicap-stall, so that she couldn't wander, dawdle, or look around. If possible, skip hand-washing by bringing hand sanitizer and applying it to your child's hands as soon as you leave the restroom. The quicker the bathroom trip is, the less likely it is to be unpleasant.
Understand that your kids have individual needs. Most kids will outgrow their need for supervised potty-use at around kindergarten age. But, of course, kids with developmental disabilities may need to be accompanied longer than normal. If this is the case, understand that you owe no apologies for the perceived discomforts of other potty-goers.
The advent of family restrooms, along with general public acceptance of single parenthood, has made it increasingly easy for parents to take young children to public restrooms without facing embarrassment or anxiety. However, potty-time can still be a challenge for some parents and kids. As in any other situation, put your child's needs, not anyone else's comfort, at the forefront of your mind.
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