What to do about a toddler bullying his classmates

Early in my now 3-year-old daughter's toddlerhood, her social skills were poor. She would push other children and take toys from them without a second thought. While I knew that this was normal for a 1-to-2-year-old, I also knew that these problems had to be addressed quickly and meaningfully. Antisocial behavior in toddlerhood may well turn into bullying later in life.

Several parents I know have mentioned that their toddlers hit, bite, and otherwise attack other toddlers at preschool or daycare. Although I certainly can't give answers for every parent in the world, I do know a few tips that have helped me and my daughter to address toddler-stage bullying.

Here are a few guidelines that might help you get through this phase.

Look at the underlying issue. In general, it's best not to address behaviors as simple behaviors, but rather as the consequences of a specific underlying problem. Is the issue here a language problem (such as not understanding the word "share")? Is it related to anxiety or fear of other children? Is your child lashing out at other kids because of bullying at home? By identifying the issue at hand, you can help to address it.

Don't ignore it. "He's just a baby" may be true, but it isn't an excuse to allow your toddler to bully others. If you ignore his behavior because he's a "baby," your toddler will remain undisciplined until he is no longer a "baby," and by that point, the habit of mistreating other children will become ingrained. Don't ignore bullying just because it's coming from a young child. It is a serious issue at any age.

 Impose consequences. If your toddler hits a playmate, the issue needs to be addressed swiftly and firmly. Don't just ask her to parrot "I'm sorry," with no meaning. You should also make sure that she understands the harm and distress that she has caused. If my daughter hits someone, she gets an immediate time-out followed by an explanation of what she did wrong. Later, she must make an honest apology to the person she bullied.

Find better ways to deal with emotions. Your toddler doesn't know how to handle her emotions yet, and this is normal. As your parent, it's your job to teach her to handle emotions like jealousy, anger, and resentment without resorting to hitting, biting, or other forms of bullying behavior. Find out ways to express emotions and manage problems without violence. Make sure your toddler understands to get a grown-up if someone hits or otherwise mistreats her.

 Be a role model. If you push, spank or yell at your toddler to get your way, she is likely to imitate these behaviors. Your toddler turns to you for everything as she learns to communicate, play and build friendships. While it's true that all parents lose their tempers, it's important to model peaceful communication and conflict resolution. Peace at home is critical for peace in daycare or the classroom.