I spent most of my daughter's life placing very strict limits on the amount of time that she could spend in front of a screen. She did not see a television at all, in any context, until she was two years old. At two, she could have precisely half an hour of screen-time per day. At three, we increased this to one hour, and at three-and-a-half, two hours-- the maximum amount recommended by the American Academy of Pediatrics.
Then, when my daughter succumbed to peer influence and I realized how much I would benefit from that automatic-babysitter. For three winter weeks, in an attempt to cut myself a little mommy-slack and get a little more housework done, I conducted an experiment: I lifted the limit even more, letting her spend as much three-and-a-half hours per day playing video games or watching movies. Absolute disaster ensued. Here's what happened in the time that my daughter got extra screen time.
Week One: Liberation
Earth-Mother forgive me, for I have sinned. The first week of the experiment seemed like absolute bliss. It started with my daughter asking to watch The Land Before Time 6 twice in a row, after she had already played half an hour of video games. That would be two and a half hours, which would be over the limit-- but I thought, "What the heck-- I need to lighten up a little." So I did, and I got more work done, and my daughter had more fun, and the house was cleaner. I thought, for a brief and sinful moment, that my TV-limits might have been silly. For the next few days, I continued lifting the limit. Sure, she can play video games after she's already watched a one-and-a-half hour movie. Sure, she can take her Leapster into the car and play it on the way to church. What have I really got to lose?
Week Two: Expectation
My daughter was initially overjoyed by her new-found media freedom, and she quickly came to expect it. "May I watch Land Before Time 9 after Land Before Time 12 is over?" became the daily question. As much as I didn't want to hear the bad music or terrible acting of one more sequel, it didn't seem like a terrible decision. It was rainy, it was winter, and I really wanted to wash dishes and chat on the phone instead of playing Candy Land. So I gave in and let my daughter become used to watching TV for three hours a day. I could see that she already expected to always hear a "yes" to any "May I watch another movie?" request.
Week Three: What Happened to my Kid?
"No, honey, we're not watching Land Before Time 4 again. You've watched it twice already." At this point, my usually-wonderful child burst into a full-fledged tantrum. She collapsed on the floor, screamed, and flailed like an epileptic banshee, even as I carried her to her room for a time-out. If I took her video games away after she played them for hours, she would yell, "NO!" at me and try to snatch them from my hand. I was nearly brought to tears with wondering what on Earth I had done to my daughter. She had gone in just a few weeks from being an angel, who loved to read books and play outside, to a terror and a brat. All the behaviors that I associated with "other people's kids" were suddenly coming out in my own daughter.
Week Four: Back to Square One
I've lived and learned. While I wanted to listen to the comforting chant of other moms-- that there's nothing wrong with letting kids spend hours a day in front of a screen-- I have arrived at the conclusion that my daughter should be back to having a strict limit of two hours of screen time per day. I can't allow my own convenience (or my desire to avoid Candyland and the play room) to supersede my concern for my daughter's well-being. My child deserves my attention, not the steady, comforting hum of a TV screen.
The funny thing is that, while my daughter initially resisted when I told her that I was reinstating her screen-time limit, she was actually much happier because of it. On our first TV-free day since the beginning of the experiment, she hopped from my lap to my partner's, singing songs, reading books, playing games, and making art. She went back to being the happy, bright, loving child I know-- and I no longer have to hear The Land Before Time 8 in the background while I work.
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