Last Easter, my daughter and I attended mass with my father. Having never been directly exposed to Christianity, my preschool-age daughter felt confused among the incense and stone of the Catholic church. Pointing to a large crucifix upon the alter, she whispered to me, "Who is that man dancing on the letter T?"
I realized at that point that I owed my daughter an explanation of religion, even if it is not necessarily the religion that I follow or practice. However, as a non-religious parent, I had a hard time addressing the complex issue. I worked hard to create a simple homeschool curriculum, and I now believe that my daughter has a firm grip on religion, with the understanding that she is entitled to her own opinions. Here are a few tips that helped me discuss religion with my non-religious child.
1. Minimize labeling. I have four Jewish siblings, one Catholic parent, a Catholic step-family, and over 20 protestant cousins. My best friend is a Jehovah's Witness, my roommate is atheist, and I've attended neopagan religious ceremonies more times than I could possibly count. Me, personally-- I'm an agnostic pantheist. The labels are enough to make even an adult's head spin, but they are particularly overwhelming to kids. For this reason, it made more sense to me to start by talking to my daughter about broader categories: namely, people who believe in God, people who do not, and people who are in-between.
2. Give examples of religious adults. I do not teach my child to hate or judge religious people-- I believe firmly in tolerance. For this reason, I found it important to discuss beloved friends and family members who believe in certain things that I do not believe. I told my daughter, "A lot of very smart, very good people, like your Aunt Sarah, your grandfather, and your Aunt Joanna, believe that Jesus came back to life after he died. They also believe in a God who lives in Heaven and answers prayers." A frank discussion-- neither endorsing nor condemning religion-- can help non-religious children to grasp the concept of organized religion without "othering" or prejudice.
3. Encourage critical thinking. One of my daughter's most cherished books tells the story of Noah's Ark. Some non-religious parents wouldn't allow it in a preschooler's collection, but I will gladly read it as often as she wants. After the conclusion of the story, I encourage her to look at the story with an open but critical eye. I might say, "I don't think that every kind of animal in the world could fit on a boat. Do you think that's possible?" During these discussions, I try not to give a specific right or wrong answer, but to draw her own conclusions.
4. Encourage familiarity and tolerance. As a religious parent, I would put my child at an unfair disadvantage if I failed to teach her about religion itself. For example, while we will celebrate a secular, seasonal version of Christmas and Easter, I will make sure that she understands that about half of the country views them as religious holy days honoring Jesus and God. In the same vein, I have explained the basic tenets of Hinduism, Judaism, and Neopaganism to my daughter-- with examples of intelligent, ethical people who believe in these doctrines.
5. Accept differing opinions. Last night, my daughter told me that she believes in angels. I told her, "I'm happy that you do. It must be a really nice feeling." Then she asked if I believe in them. I explained that haven't really believed in angels since I was a little girl. When it comes down to it, I know that-- while I can tell my daughter what I personally believe-- I can't force her to have all the same religious beliefs that I hold. When she grows into adulthood, she may be agnostic like me, Jewish like her grandmother, Catholic like her grandfather, or any of the countless other options. While I can't convince her of any specific truth, I can give her my full support and unconditional love-- and this, I believe, is far more important than a static set of religious rules.
No comments:
Post a Comment