Many meat-eaters, feeling that their own decisions are under attack, will erroneously insist that child vegetarianism is unhealthy, that vegetarian kids are protein deficient, and that meat is an essential daily component of a child's diet. If your child is vegetarian-- whether by choice or by force-- she will hear these accusations at some point during her lifetime. She may struggle to eat whole-grain pasta salad while her peers chow down on chili dogs-- but should vegetarian parents try to help her blend in by allowing her to eat meat? As a vegetarian mother, I personally believe that a healthy compromise is essential for a child's emotional and ethical wellbeing.
Informed Choice
Meat-eating parents may try to disguise the morbid realities of meat production. One parent may frantically insist to a two-year-old that the "chicken we eat" isn't the same as "the chicken that clucks". Another parent may roll her eyes at her teenage son and insist that factory farms don't really exist. Unfortunately, we vegetarians sometimes resort to the same dismissive tactics-- like saying that our kids shouldn't even try meat because we can guarantee they won't like it.
The fact of the matter is that both situations will inevitably create a child who feels invalidated and deceived. The radical meat-eater's child may feel hurt when she realizes that Mommy lied about chickens-- she may not trust anything else that Mommy says. The radical vegetarian's child is just as likely to eat meat every time he gets a chance: if Dad was wrong about meat not tasting good, maybe he's also wrong about factory farms and the meat industry's ecological impact.
At a party, I once saw my daughter-- eighteen months old at the time-- eyeballing a cube of processed beef hidden among other hors d'oevres. I've always followed the parenting philosophy that children should be allowed to make their own decisions whenever it is safe and practical for them to do so. Despite my inner voice bemoaning the torture of the animal, I handed my daughter a bite-sized cube and said, "Here you go, sweetie. This is beef." She looked at me inquisitively, so I explained with neutrality, "It used to be part of a cow."
My toddler mooed at her snack, sniffed it suspiciously, and then handed it back to me, shaking her head.
Fascinatingly, my daughter never rejected any animal products besides meat, even when I explained their production. She will gladly eat yogurt, "which is breast milk that a mama-cow makes for her baby-cow, plus good bacteria",and eggs, "which are what mama-chickens lay in their nests." I present her options only in a neutral and educational light, and I allow her to draw her own conclusions from them. Even a very young child can make an informed decision about whether he should be vegetarian.
But What if...?
Many parents are afraid to give their children choices because we fear that they may make a choice that we disagree with. Unfortunately, "wrong" decisions are facts of life that all parents must face at some point. Whether it happens at two or twelve or at twenty, all children will eventually begin dictating their own diets, and it is not within our power to control which choices they make. We may be able to avoid keeping meat in our houses, but we can not avoid our children's exposure to meat in the outside world.
For some vegetarian parents, the idea of a child making the "wrong" informed decision may be upsetting simply because of its impracticality. If a formerly vegetarian child decides that we wants meat every day, his parents are unlikely to be willing to cook separate meals for him or take on the extra expense. A child who makes an informed choice to become vegan may be even more of a burden, since balanced vegan diets can be maddeningly difficult to achieve for young children.
While I advocate dietary choice for children, I recognize that many families do not have the capacity to accommodate the requests of each individual child. In these cases, parents shouldn't simply conform to their children's tyrannical demands: instead, they should simply devise a set of rules. One parent may say, "You can buy some sandwich meat, but you'll have to use your allowance for it-- I don't give my own money to the meat industry." Other vegetarian parents may allow children to eat meat at any time, so long as it is away from the house. We should allow our children choices, but not at the expense of our own opinions and morals.
Over time, the child's opinions and preferences may become more similar to our own. A child who is crazy about bacon one day may suddenly change his mind when he fully registers the fact that he is eating a pig. However, some children may choose to eat meat early in life and continue to make that choice for decades to come. As parents, we will never be able to fully control our children's decisions, but guidance and information can help children to confidently create at their own opinions.
Dealing with Peer Pressure
Officials frequently speak of "peer pressure" as the driving force behind illicit drug use and underage drinking in teens. Unfortunately, the urge to eat junk foods and meat can run equally rampant in schools and play-groups. Let's face it: if your child is the only one in her class who has never eaten Chicken McNuggets, she is likely to feel hurt and left-out-- even if she personally chose to be vegetarian. For this reason, it is critical to teach children that they need to be confident all of their decisions. A child who is confident about his choice to be vegetarian will likely carry that confidence in risky situations later in life.
Take seven-year-old Amy, for example. One day, at a cook-out, Amy's family brought veggie-dogs and whole-wheat buns, even though most of the guests, including children, were eating pork hotdogs. At first, the other children teased Amy about her family and said that her food was gross. Instead of crying, lashing out at her parents or eating one of the meat-based franks, Amy simply said, "I like veggie-dogs. They taste a whole lot better and I don't like eating animals." The other children reacted by asking for veggie-dogs, and their surprised parents were relieved by the lower-fat, less-processed alternative. I imagine a similar situation occurring when she is offered her first cigarette.
Note that Amy didn't call the other children murderers or tell them that they were going to die of colon cancer: she confidently stated her opinion and, in doing so, she set a trend. While confidence is key in helping to raise a vegetarian child, it should never be presented in terms that are self-righteous or judgmental. Let your child know that many children don't have access to vegetarian food and that some people are very sensitive about the fact that they eat meat. While he is doing the planet a favor by eating a vegetarian diet, his friends families may not be able to do the same thing.
Still, no vegetarian parent should convince their children that they don't have reason to be proud of their dietary choices; nor should any child feel that it's inappropriate to spread awareness about vegetarianism in general. A proudly vegetarian child should feel comfortable discussing the fact that meat causes global warming, obesity and heart disease, but he should know that some do not agree with his viewpoints. Confidence is important, but arrogance is self-destructive.
As my own daughter grows older, I know that she may make different choices than me. She might be a musician or an artist or an athlete. She may wear make-up and dresses, or she may prefer baggy jeans and tee-shirts. She may grow up to be a smoker, or she may become a health-nut. She may be vegan or vegetarian or omnivore. While I may not agree with all the decisions that she makes in her life, I recognize her right to grow and develop as an individual-- and if that involves eating meat, so be it. My only goal is to be sure that she makes all of her choices with confidence and accurate information.
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