Parenting With an Anxiety Disorder

I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder some 20 years ago. Since then, I've learned to manage the condition and lead an essentially productive and normal life, but the symptoms are still there and I know that people notice them-including my daughter. My little girl is now four years old, the age that I was when first diagnosed with clinical anxiety. She's noticed that I'm fighting a battle and that I'm a bit different from other parents, but we have a very good relationship and she is a happy, healthy child. Although I don't have the answers for every parent, here are my tips on parenting while coping with an anxiety disorder.

1. Talk about it. A few months ago, I broke it to my preschooler that I have "brain problems" and that they make me worry more than I'm supposed to. My child needs and deserves to understand that I have a condition that is, at times, incapacitating. Although it can be uncomfortable and embarrassing to discuss your anxiety disorder with your children, it is something that affects them, so you should talk to them about it.

2. Do your best to keep your kids emotionally healthy. It's no secret that kids with anxious parents are more likely to develop anxiety disorders themselves. For this reason, it's important to make your children's mental health a top priority. Minimize stress at home and in school. Take the time to talk to your kids one-on-one each day and to discuss any emergent worries or anxiety symptoms. If your kids develop anxiety symptoms that are severe or persistent, they may benefit from individual or group therapy.

3. Make sure they understand it's not normal. This was, for me, one of the toughest subjects to address when talking to my daughter about my anxiety disorder. I don't want her to grow up thinking that it is normal that I burst into tears in bad traffic or panic over burnt dinner. She could easily end up unintentionally adopting the same patterns under the belief that my stress-coping mechanisms are ordinary. Your children deserve to know that your condition is not healthy and is not the norm -- even if it hurts to admit it.

4. Remind and reassure your kids that it isn't their fault. I'm not the first mom with an anxiety disorder who has "lost it" in front of my child, but I was quick to remind her that she hadn't done anything wrong. Without explanation, your children are likely to internalize your emotional patterns as something they have caused. Remind your kids that your symptoms are caused by a medical condition, not by their actions. This is especially important when your child's behavior triggers your symptoms. You might remind your child, for example, that it is unsafe for him to ride without a helmet, but that your yelling and crying about it were caused by your anxiety.

5. Teach respect and compassion. Without proper guidance, children of parents with anxiety disorders may be less respectful toward their parents. They might, for example, dismiss your criticisms or discipline as "craziness" or tease you about your condition. Be sure to teach your children all manners of respect, dignity, and kindness in every area of life. Treat your kids with the respect you need and deserve from them. A solid, loving relationship with your children can help you and your children to be more successful in overcoming the struggles of clinical anxiety.