My Child Wants to Run Away: What Should I Do?

Who among us didn't, at some point in childhood, decide to run away from home? I distinctly remember several difficult after-school evenings, when the idea of living in the suburban woods-- away from school, siblings, and chores-- seemed perfectly reasonable. Almost every child makes a token attempt to run away from home, but it's still alarming to parents when we witness our own children deciding to join the circus.

If you are concerned about your child's desire to run away from home, here are some key points to consider.

Understand the behavior. According to the experts at Boys Town, a nonprofit parenting information resource, kids try to run away from home because of the fight-or-flight mechanism-- that same instinct that tells us to flee when confronted with something dangerous. A child's interest in running away often stems from a fear of something happening at school or home. By easing these anxieties and providing healthier ways to deal with them

Look at the motive: fear or manipulation.

Children can have varying reasons for wanting to run away from home. In some cases, a child may decide to run away because he is genuinely worried, afraid, or upset about a situation in his life. In other cases, the threat of running away may act as a tool for manipulating parents and avoiding punishment. Approach the situation based on your child's motive for his behavior.

Impose rational and strict consequences. Running away puts a child in severe and immediate danger-- it is not a threat that can be toyed around with. If your child actually attempts to run away, strictly supervise him for several days or weeks. Depend upon embarrassment-- often the most effective form of punishment-- by explaining to his teachers and his friends' parents that he can not be unsupervised at all, since you can not trust that he won't run away.

Be sympathetic. Although it is very important to impose consequences, it's equally-- if not more--critical to express your love and understanding for the situation. Be sure to express to your child that you are imposing consequences out of concern for his well-being. Talk about the situation that prompted your child's desire to run away from home, and ways that you can work to improve it. Your child is less likely to want to run away if he knows that he has your love and devotion at home.

Give alternatives.

If your child simply needs time and space to himself, running away obviously isn't the answer. But there's no reason that a kid can't have his own domain. Give your child the freedom he needs to express himself and to be alone. If he wants to stay in his room for a couple of hours after he gets home from school, let him do so. If there is a specific place outside where he likes to play, let him go there. If he wants to decorate his bedroom in crazy colors or tacky stickers, let him go for it. When a child has liberty in his daily life, he's less likely to consider running away.

Seek professional help. If your child seems to have an abnormal preoccupation with the idea of running away, he may need evaluation by a professional. An obsessive desire to run away from home can be symptomatic of a more serious problem at school, at home, or in the child's own emotional development. In some cases, children coping with these behaviors may benefit from counseling. Talk to your child's pediatrician if you are concerned about running away or any other behavior you see your child exhibiting.