How to Use Time-Outs for Toddlers

My daughter, now almost 4 years old, has always benefited best from consistent uses of nonviolent, calm-down discipline. I have found that the only effective way to discipline her is through the use of time-outs as responses to misbehavior. The toddler years are the best time to institute time-outs as a primary method of discipline, as they are most effective during this stage and help to set the groundwork for later discipline. Parents and experts have widely varying techniques for giving toddlers time-out, but here's the method that has worked best for me.

1. Verbally identify the cause.

As soon as your toddler does something to warrant a time-out, state exactly what she has done wrong. "You just colored on the walls, and I told you not to do that. Now you're going to get a time-out." A toddler needs to hear an exact explanation so he can connect the cause (his bad behavior) with the effect (a time-out or other consequence).

2. Physically place your child in time-out. Many experts recommend a specific chair or other ritual spot associated with time-out. I, however, preferred to put my daughter directly on her bed, in her room, with the door closed. I found that my toddler responded best to time-outs when I carried her to her time-out spot, since it demonstrated to her that Mommy is in control and that resisting is not an option.

3. Set a timer. It's best to place your child in time-out for a predictable and set period of time. Again, recommendations vary, but many experts recommend that a time-out last for one minute per year of the child's age. A 1-year-old gets a minute, an 18-month-old gets a minute and a half, and a 2-year-old gets a solid two-minute time-out. If you need longer than this to cool off, feel free to make the session a bit longer for your own sake.

4. Ignore her. Whether your toddler screams, cries, throws things, or simply sits quietly in her room, do not respond. If you respond to your child's continued misbehavior in time-out, you are actually rewarding her for it. Wait until the timer goes off before you speak to your toddler again. She needs to understand that she can not get out of a time-out by engaging in further misbehavior.

5. Make up, and remind your child that you love her.

After a time-out, it's critical to remind your toddler that everything is OK and that you love her unconditionally. Ask her to explain why she got a time-out (within the best of her verbal ability), then offer a hug. Tell her that you love her and that you put her in time-out because it's what she needed. When it's all said and done, forgive your toddler and let the day move forward.

A time-out is intended to be nonviolent and emotionally light on both parent and child. By using the discipline technique effectively, you foster strong communication and trust between you and your child.