How to Handle Unsolicited Parenting Advice

All parents hear unsolicited comments and advice from time to time from family members, in-laws, friends, and even total strangers. Everywhere you look, someone will be trying to give you been-there-done-that advice that you neither asked for nor care to hear.

It's hard to avoid letting these unsolicited comments get you down. Especially for first-time parents, it is stressful to constantly have your choices criticized and questioned by people who don't understand you or your child. These tips can help unsolicited advice to go in one ear and out the other.

Change the Subject.

Unsolicited Comment: "She's a year old and doesn't walk?! Is she okay?"

Parent's Response: "Yes, she's doing quite well. You should have heard her say the word "dog" yesterday! We have a German Shepherd named Danny..."

Most people who offer unsolicited advice to new parents aren't doing so to give genuine advice. Rather, they are usually trying to spark up a conversation and simply don't have the social tact to do it gracefully. Introducing another unrelated subject can often get a conversation flowing without leading to embarrassment or hard feelings on either end.

Talk About Them.

Unsolicited Comment: "He's adopted, isn't he? Did you breastfeed him anyway, because you know it's possible..."

Parent's Response: "Isn't it amazing that some women can do that? Do you know someone who did?"

In general, human beings prefer to talk about themselves more than anything (or anyone) else. They'll gladly shift the topic to something that relates to themselves or a person that they know, if given the opportunity. Asking them to tell you their own story will not only take the heat off of you, but also give them an opportunity to air their opinions and experiences.

Show Them You Know Better.

Unsolicited Comment: "You know, he'll sleep better if you give him Benadryl before bed."

Parent's Response: "It's interesting that you say that. Did you read about the FDA study that showed that it makes most young kids hyperactive? And there's a warning label on it saying not to give it to babies."

Older people are especially likely to give outdated advice regarding child raising. It's unlikely that people who are older or more experienced than you think that they are doing you a favor by telling you their tricks-of-the-trade. And while it's true that children haven't changed in the last fifty years, it is also true that what we know about them has. Don't be afraid to inform advice-givers that you're up to speed with the latest research.

Let Them Know You're Offended.

Unsolicited Comment: "He's not actually autistic, he just acts like that because he's spoiled."

Parent's Response: (sarcastic) "I'm impressed that you know so much more about childhood development than the specialists I take my child to see. How many years have you spent working with autistic children?"

When someone says something truly offensive, such as insulting a special-needs child or attacking your parenting skills, don't be afraid to make a stink about it. People who make deeply insulting comments may not realize how hurtful they are being, and they need to be informed that their behavior is out of line. If a person insults you or your child, never feel ashamed or embarrassed about calling them out on it.