How to Handle a Lying Toddler

My daughter developed an ability to lie very early. She was only nine months old when I walked into the room and saw her spooning her baby-food to our cat. As soon as she saw that I was watching, she swatted the cat on the nose and told him to "Stop!" and pretended that she had been trying to keep him away from her food. I was at once both amused and concerned-- while I was impressed that such a young baby could even comprehend the concept of lying, I worried that it was an early sign that she would be a handful.

However, children under three to four years of age simply can not grasp the difference between fantasy and reality. When my daughter-- now 23-months old-- explains a mess by saying "Kitty did it! No, kitty, no!" she has truly convinced herself that the cat was responsible for her own errors. In this case, my lying toddler is using the cat in the role of an imaginary friend or alter ego. According to BabyCenter, many toddlers use imaginary friends as scapegoats; this normal aspect of development actually helps them to develop their own identity.

In some ways, a toddler's lying may actually be a sign of advanced morals. It demonstrates that the toddler understands the difference between acceptable and unacceptable behaviors; lying allows him to distance himself from his actions. Still, this is not a reason to encourage lying. However, instead of harshly disciplining a lying toddler, parents should focus on encouraging honesty. Acknowledge that your child makes mistakes and let him know that it's okay to come clean when he has done something hurtful.

Some parenting experts recommend that parents avoid scolding or punishing toddlers who confess their shortcomings. When a toddler admits that he just scribbled on the wall, tell him that he has upset you, but resist the urge to punish him. Punishment will encourage him to lie about the next mistake he makes.

I admit that I, like all parents, am imperfect. The last time my toddler threw a plate of food on the floor, I gritted my teeth and demanded that she answer me-- "Did YOU do this?" It was only when she pointed to the cat that I realized that my angry response only encouraged my lying toddler to continue scapegoating the cat. The next time she made a mess, I quietly wondered, "Who colored on this wall with a marker?" Guilt-laden, she toddled to me with a paper towel in her hand. It can be difficult to avoid losing my temper, but I've realized that it is important to invite the truth instead of encouraging my daughter's fear of punishment.

Your own toddler's lying may be driving you insane, but don't allow this phase to keep you from enjoying some of the most exciting years of your child's development. Correct mistakes, encourage honesty and enjoy the fact that you have an imaginative toddler with an understanding of basic morality. As he continues to develop, he will eventually grasp the difference between fact and fiction. Your two-year-old might lie when you ask who tore the pages of a book, but this doesn't meant that he'll be lying about where he's been all night when he's seventeen.