Dealing with your Child's Nervous Habits

"But I don't want to go to bed," my 3-year-old daughter pleads pitifully. As if on cue, she immediately twists a lock of hair around her index finger. For months, this happened every time she got upset, to the point that I could expect her to twirl her hair each time I hear the word "but." I had to cut several dreadlocks out of her hair after she'd anxiously twirled her hair into irrevocable knots.

Despite all my non-parent friends' insistence that I should just be able to "make her stop doing that," I ultimately can't control my daughter's nervous habit. Heck, I can't even control my own little tics and rituals! I checked in with my daughter's pediatrician to make sure that the nervous habit wasn't something I should be more concerned about, and the doctor gave me several tips to end the habit. I did succeed in getting my daughter to stop twirling her hair... but now she's started picking her nose.

Here are a few mom-to-mom facts, mostly given by my daughter's pediatrician, regarding nervous habits in childhood.

They are extremely common. Nervous habits such as nose-picking, hair-twirling, earlobe-rubbing and shirt-sucking affect almost all children at some point in their development. They peak between ages 2 and 5, affecting perhaps the majority of children in this age group. It is essentially is normal for children to have nervous habits and tics at this age, so there isn't necessarily any reason to be concerned. Your child's nervous habits may very well be a normal and harmless bump in her development.

Ask yourself who it's harming. Your child's nervous habit might look weird or seem slightly annoying, but ask yourself who's really being harmed. If your child happens to like rubbing her earlobe every time she gets upset, you might as well simply accept and tolerate the behavior. It's only habits that have become dangerous or hurtful -- such as self-hitting and lip-picking-- that need to be addressed promptly. Harmless habits may persist into adulthood without any complications -- but don't we all have a few little quirks?

Give physical contact. I've noticed that my daughter's nervous habits always remit when I make a point of displaying physical affection. A hug or a kiss will often disrupt her hair-twirling or nose-picking. Physical contact gives kids the reassurance and stimulation they are subconciously trying to satisfy with nervous habits. Try hugging or cuddling your child when he engages in a destructive nervous habit. It'll likely help the habit to evaporate.

Provide comfort and structure. Nervous habits are often, but not always, a manifestation of anxiety. It is true that some "nervous" habits are actually just behavioral quirks that kids engage in while concentrating or tired. Nevertheless, it can be beneficial to try to reduce your child's stress load to see if that helps with the habit. If problems at home or in school preceded the development of the nervous habit, do what you can to minimize these stressors. Keep your child's routine structured but flexible to enable the best emotional health for your child.

Get in touch with her doctor.

If your child's nervous habit is destructive or injurious, talk to her pediatrician. A nervous habit such as hitting, scratching, or pulling out hair can be a sign of a more serious problem. Although most children's nervous habits are unrelated to diagnosable emotional disturbances, your child's doctor needs a clear picture of her behavioral health so that more significant disturbances can be identified promptly. Your child's pediatrician can also give you tips and guidelines for handling the nervous habit.