1. Presents for the Baby
For the first holiday after my daughter's birth, I watched everyone around me open their gifts and find things that they were ecstatic to have or had wanted for years. Then, when it was my turn to open my gifts, I found bags and boxes full of nothing but gifts for my daughter. While it is kind to get presents for the new baby, it is rude and hurtful to give a person presents that are intended for someone else (even if that someone else is her child).
The message to the new mother is that she doesn't matter and that she should want things only for her baby, not for herself. If you want to get presents for a new baby, by all means do so--but put the baby's name, not the mother's, on the tag.
2. Clothes
Many women have body image issues after giving birth. Some lose weight too rapidly owing to common postpartum thyroid issues, and others have a very difficult time losing their pregnancy weight. Those who have returned to their pre-pregnancy size may still feel as if their shape has changed; they may believe that their hips are now too wide or that their breasts are not as nicely shaped. Even when these changes aren't noticeable to other people, they cause many new mothers to feel overly self-conscious.
To spare a new mother the embarrassment of receiving clothes that don't fit or are unflattering, consider purchasing her a gift card instead. With a gift card, she can select clothing that will look great on her and encourage her to feel good about her body. It is very difficult to guess someone's size or make assumptions about whether or not it will look flattering. Protect the new mother's self-esteem: play it safe and don't buy her clothes.
3. Kitchenware
No new mother wants to see motherhood as a journey into decades of being barefoot in the kitchen. Unless she has specifically requested kitchen-gear because cooking is a favorite hobby of hers, it is a bad idea to buy mothers kitchenware. Gifts for a new mother should focus on the woman herself, not on the people who she is taking care of.
A blender may look like a perfect gift for the new mother in your life, but to her, it may look insulting, unless she has expressed a specific interest in one. Do not assume that all mothers (or all women, for that matter) want a well-stocked kitchen--many would prefer a gift certificate for a night out.
4. Pets
Pets are a bad idea to give as gifts to anyone, and this is doubly true for new mothers. Without being able to meet the pet in advance, no one can know whether or not the pet and the owner will be good match. Humane Societies across the country are filled to the brim with dogs and cats who were given as gifts but ended up being a poor fit for the home they were given to.
New mothers have a lot on their plates already and need time to themselves more than they need an extra mouth to feed. Even if she is a hard-core animal lover, consider getting her a related gift that is not a living, breathing animal that she'll need to stress over. A donation to an animal shelter will be a kinder and more appropriate gift.
5. Parenting Books
To reiterate the point once more: new mothers have interests outside of motherhood. Sure, all moms want to do what's best for our children, and most moms want to spend time learning the ropes of how to do what's best for them. But a new mother needs to feel reassured of her own identity above and beyond her role as a parent.
Instead of baby food recipe books or the latest edition of Dr. Spock's guides, get the new mom a book for herself. Poke around to find out which fiction-writers she likes or if there are any political authors she likes to stay on top of. If she wants books about childcare, consider getting those as gifts for the baby--but keep Baby's presents separate from Mom's.
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