It's ridiculous to assume that you can't raise moral children without organized religion. In fact, millions of children are raised as agnostic, atheist or otherwise non-religious, and the vast majority of them grow up to be well-adjusted adults with solid moral groundings.
As a mother, it is my primary focus to be an educator for my daughter-- not only an educator of words, colors, and numbers, but also of honesty, compassion and character. Unlke religious parents, though, I have never told her that she should be a good person because God thinks she should be. I teach her to a good person because it makes the world a better place.
But Which Morals to Choose?
Because my philosophy is not grounded in any specific form of organized religion, I don't teach my daughter any specific set of rules. However, I do teach her the importance of the Golden Rule, whic is perhaps the world's most universal guideline of goodness. I teach her to treat others with respect, kindness, love and compassion-- the same traits that she would want to see in other people.
Other than the basic tenants of altrusim, I do not insist that my daughter abide by arbitrary laws written in an ancient text. For example, homosexuality does not harm anyone, so I will never teach my daughter that it is wrong. I will also never teach her that moderate alcohol use or premarital sex are wrong, but I will make sure that she understands the risks of both, and how to minimize them.
Will She Still Be Good?
One major difference between religious parents and those who teach morality without religion is this-- non-relgious parents believe in no afterife, no eternal punishment, and no angry God threatening to seek vengeance on those who mis-behave. For this reason, many non-religious parents worry that, without the fear of Godly retribution, children will have no motivation to behave ethically.
In reality, though, it is far more than the fear of God that motivates children to be good people. My daughter chooses not to eat meat, not because she thinks God doesn't want her to, but because she doesn't want to hurt animals. She asks to visit elderly people at a local nursing home because she feels bad that they are lonely. She comforts a crying person because she knows that she would want to be comforted if she were sad. This form of altruism is far deeper and more sincere than any act carried out for fear of punishment or for hopes of a Heavenly reward.
What's the Harm if I Lie?
I respect parents who are religious and teach their spiritual beliefs to their children, but there is harm in an agnostic or atheist parent consciously lying about his beliefs. If I feigned religion to manipulate my child's behavior, it would be no different than threatening her with lumps of coal from Santa-- except that the consequences would be far mor dire. It would amount to a deliberately dishonest carrot-and-stick trick to alter the behavior of kids.
The harm here is that children tend to know when they are being manipulated. And it rocks a child's world to find out that Mommy doesn't believe in God-- and told her that she should. The child feels angry and deceived, and her reason for being "good" has now been jerked out from underneath her.
There is also harm in telling children the positive aspects of religion, such as the idea that "Grandma is with the angels in Heaven now," unless you actually believe these things for yourself. Not only do they gloss over the grim realities of the world, stopping a child from ever accepting them at face-value-- they also create confusion in children too young to understand the difference between a soul and a physical body.
The bottom line? If you don't believe in God, question God's existence, or simply reject the crutches offered by organized religion, that doesn't make you a bad person or a bad parent. Your children are just as capable as everyone else of growing up to be healthy, happy, and fundamentally moral individuals.
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