Teaching Preschoolers to Defend Themselves Against Bullies

Yesterday, I picked my four-year-old daughter up from her dinosaur-themed day camp and noticed a knot on her head. She calmly and sadly explained that a little boy had hurt her. I found out from the counselors that the child-- a year older than mine and nearly twice her size-- had pulled a chair out from under her and then punched her in the face because he didn't like the way she talked. He was sent home immediately.

Even seeing that my daughter wasn't seriously injured, and finding out that she had done nothing at all to provoke him, I felt absolutely devastated. She may be four years old, but my daughter is still very much my baby, and I hadn't considered that this sort of overt, violent bullying would be an issue any time soon. The image of my innocent little girl getting attacked without provocation by another kid was enough to bring tears to my eyes.

I realized that, "baby" or not, my daughter needed to know how to handle situations like these. While I do not want her to fight back with the intent to injure her attacker-- that's exactly how those brutal kid-fights happen-- I do want her to know how to stop an attack from another child. This is not only important for her safety, but also for her self-value.

One way to teach preschool-age kids to defend themselves against bullies-- the message most widely promoted in preschools, is to encourage them to loudly yell "STOP!" if another child hits, pushes, or insults them. This gets an adult's immediate attention. If the bully hasn't stopped the attack by the time a grown-up arrives, the adult can break up the fight quickly and effectively.

Defensive martial arts, such as taekwando, jiujitsu, and karate are also options for teaching preschoolers to defend themselves from a bully's attacks. A good martial arts instructor teaches harmless self-defense above all else, along with self-control and self-discipline. A martial arts class for (or with) your child might be a good option if you want to expand his social and learning opportunities while also helping him to learn to protect himself from bullies who might physically harm him.

Above all else, make it a priority to teach your child that she may never, ever engage in bullying. After the camp incident, I made sure to ask my preschooler questions like, "How did it feel when that boy hurt you?" and to remind her that it is never okay to treat anyone like that. A bullied child can easily become a bully child, so make sure that you use this as a teachable moment to prevent her from spreading her victimization to other children.

I'm having to come to terms with the fact that I won't always be present for what goes on in my daughter's life. She will, at times, face attacks from other children that I will be powerless to prevent or resist. However, by instilling her with the tools she needs to defend herself in these situations, I can help to prevent bullying from seriously harming her physical or emotional health. Preschool isn't too early to teach a child to stand up for herself.