Helping Your Gifted Child Socialize

I took my daughter to the playground yesterday in an attempt to get her to socialize with other kids. She eagerly approached a group of girls and asked them to play. When they agreed, she announced, "Okay. I'm going to be a micropachycephalosaurus, and you can be a baby alamosaurus, and you can be a giant tyrannosaurus who is trying to eat both of us."

The girls stared blankly until one finally sneered, "You're weird." They then announced that they were going to be princesses-- and that they, being five-and-a-half, would not play with a three-year-old. I had to explain to my pouty-faced daughter that some kids simply aren't worth playing with. Still, I felt sad. My daughter is nearly four years old and still doesn't really play with other children, and I think that her giftedness and eccentricities are among the reasons for her difficulties.

After talking to some other parents and a few teachers, I've been devising a plan to help my gifted daughter socialize, but it's still something of an uphill battle. If your child is gifted and struggles significantly with socialization, understand that you are not alone in your challenges. Here are some tips that may, in time, help your child have a more normal social life.

1. Bear in mind that it's not uncommon. Gifted children typically have what is known as "asynchronous development." My daughter, for example, is cognitively on the level of an average six-year-old, but has the social skills and physical development of a two-year-old. If your child doesn't greet or relate to other children the same way her peers do, it's important to remember that this is normal for gifted children.

2. Get your child together with kids of all ages and cognitive abilities. Fascinatingly, many gifted children socialize better with mentally handicapped children than with kids who have typical development. Others do better with younger kids, since their social skills may match. Many others, of course, will gravitate toward older children, who may share their interests and cognitive development. By giving your child a wide spectrum of children with whom she can interact, you make good-match friendships more likely.

3. Be part of a group. If you are a stay-at-home parent or your child is home-schooled, make sure you are part of a group of parents and children. Kids with social difficulties need support networks more than average children. Get your child together with a church group, play group, or special-interest group for romps in the playground and visits to the museum. These will make friendships more likely.

4. Push your child forward. Yes, your shy, gifted child may want to stay home and read books instead of going to the playground-- but is it really in his best interest to do so? There's nothing wrong with encouraging your child to socialize. At the playground or at a party, offer your child encouragement for pursuing socialization with other kids. You might say, "I heard you introduce yourself to that boy. I'm glad you're making a friend."

5. Minimize circumstances that contribute to social anxiety. If your child's social problems stem from anxiety or fear, make efforts to keep play-dates as calm and stress-free as possible. If your child finds a specific environment more stressful than another, set up the play-date somewhere else (such as at home). Keep play-dates small in number and minimize your child's interactions with bullies. By keeping your gifted child's environment as stress-free as possible, you make it more likely that she will excel socially.

Talk to your child's pediatrician or teacher if you suspect that her social skills are significantly lagging behind those of her same-age peers. Expert advice may help you guide your child into a more rewarding social life.