6 Steps to a Confident Child

As a mom, I place a lot of importance on my daughter's ability to feel confident and secure. I've dealt with anxiety my entire life, and I'm not surprised that my daughter inherited my tendency toward it. I believe that it is very important to raise children in a way that enables whole-hearted and deep confidence.

A child must have faith in his parents' unconditional love; this is the essential building-block for his overall faith in his life and circumstances. These simple tips can help you to raise a confident child.

1. Be affectionate. I have not gone a single day of my daughter's life without telling her that I love her. Your child will feel confident in your love for her if you remind her of it on a frequent and consistent basis. Say "I love you" when you're happy, when you're sad, when you're angry, and when you're disappointed. Give hugs and kisses. Laugh together. Rock your four-year-old to sleep. Your love will help her feel good about herself and her life.

2. Listen to your children. It's easy to simply tune out a talkative toddler, especially if she tends to be extremely long-winded and pedantic. But, if possible, it's best to listen and respond when your child is speaking to you. Constantly ignoring her conversations will teach that her opinions don't matter and that you don't care to listen. At least a few times per day, stop to really listen to your child's words. Even if she simply pursues a verbose summary of the last episode of Spongbob Squarepants, your attention will be worth the boost in your child's confidence.

3. Help him feel safe. If your child is terrified of monsters in the closet, ghosts under the bed or wolves lurking in the woods, acknowledge these fears instead of simply dismissing them. To a terrified child, these unrealistic dangers are extremely real. Talk to your child about the measures you've taken to make your home safe. Demonstrate that the closet is empty, and let your child sleep with his light on. You won't defeat your child's fears by ignoring them.

4. Don't insult your child. Many good, loving parents occasionally say things like, "You've been bad today," instead of "You've behaved badly today." While the semantics here may seem unimportant, the words do communicate very different meanings. Avoid calling your child names, whether they are mild adjectives like "bad" and "mean," or harsher nouns like "brat" and "twerp." These not only degrade a child's confidence; they hurt your relationship with him.

5. Be consistent-- but flexible. Consistency is important to a child's confidence. He needs to know what behaviors are deemed acceptable and which are unacceptable in his own environment. Never harshly discipline a behavior once and then casually ignore it when it happens again. However, do maintain a degree of flexibility; your rules and consequences may need to change a bit during special circumstances.

6. Take care of yourself. Your child will have a harder time learning to be confident if he doesn't see confidence in his parents. If you frequently insult strangers, criticize yourself, or belittle your loved ones, your child will internalize that these are acceptable behaviors. You can encourage his own confidence by improving your own self-esteem.